I've been there: I've lived in 4 different cities with at least ten different roommates. I've seen it all, from the nocturnal musician to the serial collector of pizza boxes. And from these often tragicomic experiences, I've distilled 7 unwritten rules that, if you follow them, can turn a potential source of stress into an awesome experience.
Rule #1: Choose a Business Partner, Not a Best Friend
The biggest trap is thinking your perfect roommate will be your future best friend. Wrong. You're looking for a "partner" to share a space and expenses with—someone reliable and compatible, not necessarily someone to hang out with on a Saturday night.
Of course, if a friendship blossoms, that's great. But that's not the priority. When you're searching, don't stop at the first impression. Ask the awkward but necessary questions: "What time do you go to bed?", "How often do you clean?", "Are you a morning person or a night owl?".
Take it from me: a 20-minute coffee before signing anything can save you from a year of hell. Luckily, today there are tools like Coinquilino, where you can filter profiles based on lifestyle and habits. It's a great way to screen people and get off on the right foot.
How do you set house rules without sounding like a drill sergeant?
Easy, you don't impose them: you create them together. As soon as you move in, before you even unpack, sit down with a beer or a coffee and draft a "Roommate Agreement." It sounds nerdy, I know. But I'm telling you, a single sheet of paper taped to the fridge will save you from months of long faces and the silent treatment.
Rule #2: The "Roommate Agreement" Isn't Lame
This agreement should cover the three hot spots of any shared living situation: cleaning, money, and guests. For cleaning, create a rotating schedule. Who cleans what, and when. In black and white, no "I thought it was your turn."
For guests, decide on a common-sense rule. Always giving a heads-up is the baseline. If someone wants to have their partner stay for a week, you talk about it first. You don't just spring people on your roommates.
Finally, noise. If one of you wakes up at 6 AM for work and the other gets home from the club at 4 AM, you need to find a compromise. Headphones, closed doors, respect. It sounds basic, but it's not.
Rule #3: Money—Clear, Upfront, and Shameless
Talking about money is always a bit of a drag, but it has to be done right away. How do you split the bills? And what about shared expenses like toilet paper, dish soap, and cooking oil?
Here's the trick: create a shared house fund. At the beginning of the month, everyone chips in €20-30, and you use that for house supplies. When it runs out, you refill it.
For bills, use an app like Splitwise or simply create a WhatsApp group where whoever pays shares the receipt. Total transparency. This helps you avoid the classic "I still owe you that €5 from two months ago."
Rule #4: The Fridge (and Pantry) Is Not a Battlefield
The war for fridge space is a classic source of roommate problems. The solution is simple and almost military-grade: divide the space. One shelf each, one door compartment each.
And the golden rule: you don't touch other people's stuff without asking. Ever. That yogurt isn't "communal," that piece of parmesan has an owner. If you're starving at 3 AM, send a text before you raid their groceries.
How do you handle problems without starting World War III?
Problems will come up, it's a given. Whether it's a missed cleaning turn, music that's too loud, or the boyfriend/girlfriend who has basically moved in. How you handle these moments makes all the difference between a peaceful home and a living nightmare.
Rule #5: Talk It Out Immediately; Post-it Notes Are for Cowards
Seeing something that bothers you and pretending it's fine while letting resentment build up is a recipe for disaster. The worst thing you can do? The passive-aggressive note left on the kitchen table. Never do it.
If your roommate leaves dirty dishes, don't wait for them to form a Tower of Pisa. As soon as you see them, calmly say, "Hey, would you mind washing your dishes? I need to use the sink." It's direct, simple, and not accusatory.
Sometimes it helps to have a "house meeting" once a month. Five minutes to ask, "How's everything going? Is there anything we can improve?" This prevents small frustrations from piling up.
Rule #6: Respect the Closed Door (and Their Quirks)
Your roommate's room is their sanctuary. You don't enter without knocking. Ever. Not even if the door is ajar. It's a red line you don't cross.
And also, accept their differences. Maybe your roommate is a neat freak in the common areas but their own room is a chaotic mess. As long as it doesn't invade your space or create a hygiene issue, that's their business. Everyone has their own way of living, and you have to respect it.
What's the Real Secret to Happy Cohabitation?
We've reached the final point, the rule that ties them all together. After years of living with roommates, I've realized the real secret isn't in the cleaning schedules or the bill-splitting apps. It's all about mindset.
Rule #7: Be the Roommate You'd Want to Live With
This is the golden rule. Before you complain about someone else's mess, ask yourself: "Am I a perfect roommate?" Before you get angry that they finished the milk, think about how many times you've "borrowed" their salt.
Be flexible. Be willing to compromise. Sometimes you'll have to turn down the volume on your TV show; other times, you'll have to put up with the smell of their experimental dinner. It's called living together.
A bit of patience and a dash of humor can defuse 90% of potential conflicts. Remember that you, with your own habits, might be "the weird roommate" to someone else.
Living with other people isn't a walk in the park, but it's an incredible training ground for life. You learn to negotiate, to communicate, to be more tolerant, and above all, to get to know yourself better.
If I were you, I'd start here: before you even sign the lease, take an hour to have coffee with your future roommates and openly discuss these 7 rules. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know. And to find people who are already on your wavelength, well, I'd recommend checking out Coinquilino.app. Filtering by habits saves you a ton of hassle later on.
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FAQ - The Questions Everyone Asks
### What do I do if a roommate doesn't pay their rent or bills?
First, talk to them immediately, but calmly. They might be having a temporary issue. If the situation continues, you need to be direct: the cost can't fall on you. If their name is on the lease, they are just as legally responsible as you are. In extreme cases, you'll have to speak with the landlord. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice. For specific issues, always consult a professional.
### How do we split bills fairly if our usage is different?
Unless there's extreme consumption (like someone was mining crypto in 2026 and sending the electricity bill through the roof), splitting them equally is almost always the simplest solution that creates the fewest problems. Arguing about who did one extra load of laundry is the beginning of the end. Simplicity and trust are key.
### Can I have my partner sleep over?
That depends on the "Roommate Agreement" you've established (see Rule #2). The unwritten rule is: for one or two nights, just give a courtesy heads-up. If their presence becomes constant (more than 2-3 nights a week), then they're no longer a guest; they're practically an extra roommate. In that case, it's fair to talk about it and maybe revise how some expenses (like utilities) are split.
### My roommate is a total slob. How do I tell them without starting a fight?
Avoid a direct attack ("You're a mess!"). Use "I-statements," focusing on how the situation makes you feel. For example: "When the kitchen is messy, I find it hard to cook dinner and it makes me feel stressed. Could we try to keep it cleaner together?" It's less accusatory and opens a dialogue instead of a confrontation.
### Is it better to live with friends or strangers?
Honestly, there's no right answer. Living with a friend can ruin a friendship if you don't set clear rules, because you take everything for granted. Living with a stranger forces you to define boundaries right away and can be more "business-like." Personally, I've had amazing and terrible experiences in both scenarios. The real difference-maker is compatible habits, not the level of friendship.